Welcome to DocMomma's World of Medicine, Motherhood, and Military Service

Why I'm here

Hello, world! I truly don't expect to have many, if any, readers, so please forgive the informality of my writing. I am a 30-something (almost 40-something) mom, doctor, wife, servicemember, avid reader, former soccer player, sometimes crocheter, Elder Millennial, and concerned global citizen. I am primarily writing to process my own emotions and perspectives as I navigate life in this world.

The realities of being on call with children

My Professional Life

My professional life, like my personal life, revolves around children. Specifically those in the Neonatal ICU. For those not crazy enough to study medicine, that means that after 4 years of college, I did 4 years of medical school followed by a 3 year residency in General Pediatrics and then another 3 years of Neonatal-Perinatal Medicine fellowship. After those 14 years of education, which included more tests than I can recall including the MCAT, USMLE Step 1, 2, and 3, in-training exams, General Pediatric board exam, and Neonatal Medicine board exam, I can call myself a fully trained, double boarded Neonatologist. If you have never met a Neonatologist, please count yourself lucky. While I truly believe I have the best job in the hospital, I am never the doctor that parents want to meet. My job is to take care of the smallest, sickest, most vulnerable babies.

From a young age I knew I wanted to be a doctor, but it wasn't until I was halfway though medical school that I realized as much as I loved women's health and OB/MFM, my passion was in the NICU. I was fortunate to have many mentors during medical school and residency who helped push me to follow that passion. After matching into fellowship straight from residency, never a guarantee in the military, my family and I moved to Texas for the next 5 years. In those years of fellowship training and early attending life, I benefited from more mentorship and the incredible community that comes with practicing military medicine. Without that support, those years would have been even more difficult as I navigated my own education, a global pandemic, recurrent pregnancy losses, motherhood, and the general demands of life far from friends and family.

My last several years of practice have been overseas with the military. It has brought many new challenges and grown me as a clinician and person in ways that have been uncomfortable but also invaluable. Being able to serve the families who serve our country has been the honor of my life.

Pandemic Era High Fashion

My Other Professional Life

I count myself incredibly privileged to have earned an academic scholarship to college which covered my full tuition. I also worked as an RA for 2 of the 4 years of college which paid my room and board, so I left college with less than $10,000 in loans. In pursuing medical school, I was daunted by the high price tag. Being the daughter of a Veteran who has always been immensely proud of his service, I looked into military scholarships to medical school. I was selected for the Air Force Health Profession Scholarship Program and commissioned into the reserves for the duration of medical school. Upon graduation, I began my active duty time in the Air Force as a Captain. Since then I have confirmed what all of my predecessors told me: Money is not a good enough reason to serve. While money was the motivator to seek my specific career path in the Air Force, I know that without a desire to serve independent of that motivation, it would not have been worth it.

While I have reached the time in my life where I will be transitioning out of the military to pursue civilian employment, there are many aspects of the military I will miss. The support, community, camaraderie, whatever you want to call it, of servicemembers and their families is amazing. And knowing that all of my patients have access to healthcare and will not be financially crippled by medical bills allows for a freedom of practice most physicians in the states only dream of. Not to mention that they are much more likely to have secure housing and less food insecurity (though not none). It is almost like providing for basic human needs results in a healthier and more productive community...

Baby Captain and my eldest

My Personal Life

I have been married to my husband, also a military physician, for 12 years. We have 4 girls who keep us on our toes and bring more laughter than I ever expected. Since getting married, we have lived in 6 homes in 2 states and 1 foreign country. We have made it through both of our medical educations, both of our residencies, my fellowship, and 5 deployments. On the road to building our family, we lost more pregnancies than we kept. The path has been rough; many days were not joyful, but the years have been. It is in my own personal journey that I have started to accept that feelings are all normal and healthy and it is ok that some days aren't great (or even good). Some days are shit. But on or after those hard days, the people I want to support me are my family. My husband and I are on each other's side and are a team.

Remnants of a Self

The hardest part of this introductory post to write is the part that is most central to why I am writing this blog in the fist place. Identifying the self that remains in the aftermath of building a career and family. Who I was, who I am, and who I want to be are 3 different women, but they are all me. As I explore who I have become by habit and circumstance, my aim is to make intentional choices to keep what serves me and brings joy and minimize what doesn't. Unfortunately, with the world literally and figuratively burning around us, there is a certain feeling of selfishness in worrying about my small world. If I can use writing over the next weeks, months, or just today, to work on myself and maybe provide help, validation, or information to anyone else, then I can see the value in that. And as I tell the parents of my patients nearly daily, one cannot fully care for others unless they have first cared for themself.

The heart pumps blood to itself first. I must be the heart of my own existence.